Telling our children the truth about gay marriage

The renowned stylist Gok Wan was on television over the weekend. As soon as he appeared, my nine-year-old son asked me if the man on the telly was gay.
 
I hesitated for a moment before responding, truthfully, that as far as I knew he was. What had made him think that?

"He seems very happy," came the reply, at which point my seven-year joined in the conversation.

"Well, maybe that's why he's called gay because gay also means happy," he reasoned.

Children today are no fools. I had once explained to mine that the word gay meant happy. They quickly informed me that gay also means a man being in love with another man or a woman being in love with a woman. 

Sure all they have to do these days is look at an episode of 'The Simpsons' to hear the word bandied about. That's why I made the decision to cut the pretence. By trying to 'protect' them from the reality of the word, was I fostering prejudice by giving the impression that there was something wrong with same sex relationships?

When I was growing up the word gay was used in a pejorative way. If something wasn't good, it was gay. If you didn't like something, it was gay. If somebody was different in any way, they were gay. It was a word favoured by the schoolyard bully. You got a hiding off them if you were deemed to be gay in any of its guises.

Ireland has belatedly grown up since then and some of us like to think we are more liberal and worldly now. We now realise that gay men and women are to be found in the most prominent positions. We have gay business people, gay television presenters, gay sports stars and gay politicians.
 
Many of them rightly choose to wear their sexuality openly and proudly. It's there for all of us to see. So what exactly are we protecting our children from by telling them that gay simply means happy?

In my view it is far better for a parent to teach their child the values of tolerance, inclusiveness and diversity; that to discriminate against a person on the grounds of their sexuality is as wrong as being racist.

The debate on marriage equality has got off to an unsavoury start after the Panti Bliss/Iona Institute affair (not that they're having an affair, just in case their lawyers are reading this!). Our children are going to hear a lot of talk about gay rights on television and on the radio in the coming months. The issue will be impossible to avoid. Inevitably there will be innocent questions asked. Whatever side of the debate you're on, at least try to give your kids a positive answer.